Meancouver

So Im eyeballs deep in one of the worst things about living in Vancouver; the job hunt. See, unlike the rest of the world, employers here seem to have no urgency in getting a position filled. Allow me to use an example (albeit anonymous) of what I am talking to. In January I was interviewed by a local tech group in which I was basically told a) I got the position and b) they would be contacting me shortly to finalize the position.

Well shortly passed and time went on. I had to take a short term contract to pay my bills. In the latter half of the contract they contacted me and expected me to drop everything as they had “dropped the ball”. Those are their words. So I do some arranging and I cant get out of the contract till the next week. Their answer: they understand and as it happens they wont be ready until March. Uh okay so you’re now saying that urgent need can now be  put off five weeks. The best part was the “keep in touch”.

So I kept in touch, contacted them several times without response and then I go on their page today. New UI- thanks for your classy ways. Im sure that when you get into a real city you’ll find that your absent minded dickhead ways wont get you too far.

Good luck

One annoying thing about looking for a job in Vancouver is something called the stress interview. A fad of the 80’s, it seems that some Vancouver businesses can’t get enough of this interview. Here’s the deal: if the interview starts out real well, almost too well – just wait and the switch will happen. Ive had interviews where all the windows in the room were open allowing the street traffic to drown out questions, having the interviewer read other resumes or not listen to the questions, argue that your answers arent complete even though they are. I know that this has been claimed as a good way to find out how a candidate behaves under pressure but to be honest its a shite way to make a first impression.

Vancouver employers need to realise that it’s 2008 not 1982. Pressure interviews where you launch salvos of attacks to jar the candidate make you look like a loutish bully. The thing is you can explain about how great of a place you are to work and how real, all you are is just a bunch of dudes who like to have a bit of laddish fun but you come across as an unprofessional cadre of wankers deserving of an alley beating.

…Before I go allow me to divulge something else – I realize that a lot of people like to boost up their company but please make it believable. Recently I had someone describe one of their employees as an eminent scientist. Eminent Scientist? Is this some sort of matinee sci-fi movie and we’re saving the world from a killer meteorite? Please, save the pretention, you’ll command more respect and will be far less likely to be referred to as those douches downtown. Same goes for gurus, ninjas, wizards, code bricklayers, superstars etc. If you want the right person for the job you might find it easier if you didnt advertise for superheroes. This isnt a comic book

So Mr. Flaherty, got your shoes fixed huh. Wish I could afford to do the same. Unfortunatly for me your government FUCKED OUR ECONOMY SO HARD UP THE ASS SHE MIGHT NEVER WALK RIGHT AGAIN!!! Next time you decide to sneak up on an unsuspecting nation and ram her hard through the back door at the very least use some lube. You’d think you’d have a ready supply being as you’re a crony of the oil industry. They’ll send you some, just ask.

What the fuck! We went through years of heavy Liberal budget slashing to undue the damage caused by the last Tory disaster machine. It was brutal but admittedly it worked. Now the Tories are back and they’ve already spend the massive multi year surplus gifted to them by the liberals. That’s what I call a major fuck up. It was time for reinvestment in our country Mr. “it wasn’t me ma it was the liberals” Harper. Yeah, it was the liberals who cleaned up the mess of your sleazy fuck nut predecessor.

Under the Liberals Canadians tightened their belts, hard. We did the time and the work and suffered the consequences to get our country’s finances in order. The fact that you took the fruits of OUR collective effort and squandered it makes me want to puke. Not only that, you expect us to tighten our belts again and again to pay for your incompetence. We had already poked new holes in our belts Mr. Harper, we can’t do it any more. The belt is hitting bone and more holes at this point will only leave us with our pants falling down.

How do you do it Mr. Harper? Take a thriving nation, best place to live in the world, model of growth and stability, admired by the world Canada and turn us into the pantless wonder we are now? That’s a special talent Mr. Harper, I’m sure you’re mother is very proud.

So Canada has now allowed the forty year mortgage, which is lovely. Now the bank owns not half of your productive life as it did at the previous 25 year level, but all of your productive life. Yes all of it. And probably some of your children’s. And god forbid that at any point in the next forty years something should happen be it job loss, sickness, family problems, etc etc. Then all the money you’ve spent you’re entire life pouring into that money pit, including upgrades, repairs and maintenance, will be gone as the bank swoops in and forecloses. Maybe you’ll get lucky and the real estate market will just drop and you will spend those forty years paying off that massive mortgage in order to continue to own you’re now moderatly priced house. But none of those things will happen, it’s only forty years and its obviously clear sailing the whole way. Can’t you tell? Just squint. There you go.

And think of the freedom! Forty years where you can’t move, change your job, invest, educate your kids, retire. Good times.

So it’s now 90% of new buyers taking the Slave Plan Forty (as opposed to Ricky and Julians Freedom 35 where you just grow some dope and get your life back together. Live humbly, simply and as stoned and drunk as possible. Actually, their lifestyle is not only looking more attractive, its looking more and more like the only intelligent option!)

Anyway, this is clearly an economic device to extend the already burgeoning real estate bubble on the backs of the foolish middle class. Poor buggers will now be paying twice the interest they used to. “Experts” even predict more “mortgage innovations,” although upping forty year mortgages to fifty year mortgages hardly seems that innovative (Those masters of economics programs really bring out the high quality thinkers.)

So let’s have hundred year mortgages! Let’s bring back hereditary slavery! Hurray!!!

The long lie continues. When women’s lib came and got women careers people thought the double income would make families wealthier, instead housing costs increased to match so that double income suddenly just covers the house. So everyone works harder, thinking that is the way to get more. Again costs adjust and now everyone has to work extended hours just to get by. So everyone borrows more. Costs adjust. Mortgages are extended, people borrow more again. Costs adjust etc etc, et al, ad nauseum. Meanwhile, all this extra wealth gets sucked up by the banks and the poor get poorer, the kids are home alone and we’ve all worked ourselves into burnt out little husks that once resembled people but we aren’t sure anymore, we’re all too busy trying not to be homeless to check.

This is unregulated capitalism, and obviously it gets us nowhere. Banks are like a wild animal, they will eat you and your children and not give it a second thought. Like other dangerous animals they need to be caged. If we don’t cage this beast we’ll be right back in the thirties, having to pull out the ol’ shotgun and tell the bank man to get the fuck off my land!