Meancouver

Canadian Louise Arbour, former Justice of the Supreme court of Canada, a former Chief Prosecutor of the International Criminal Tribunals for the former Yugoslavia and Rwanda and most recently the UN High Commissioner for Human Rights retires and the entire World thanks her for her long and dedicated service.

Except Canada apparently. We were the ONLY ONES without something to say, and she’s a citizen of our country! Apparently its all under direct orders from Mr Harper that not even a thank you, not even a courtesy wave recognizing that she even existed be issued.

Wow. I know that Harper and his crew are no fans of human rights or anyone who even knows a liberal but Jesus Christ guys, stop being so pig headidly stupid.

Its a slap on the face all right, unfortunately the Conservatives are so blindingly dumb that they don’t realise that the rest of the world lives outside of petty Canadian partisan politics. All they see is us slapping ourselves in the face.

Way to keep up our international reputation there. Everyone in the world now thinks Canada is retarded, and right now I can’t say they are wrong.

It seems unprecedented (though I am no historian) that a Federal Finance Minister would so blatantly interfere in Provincial politics.

It boggles the mind that anyone could think it appropriate for a Federal Finance Minister to give a press conference the day before a Provincial budget is released only to lecture the Provence about what the Federal Finance Minister believes its budget should and should not have.

It seems unfathomable that a Federal Finance Minister would loudly and publicly undermine the investor confidence in a Canadian Provence by saying no one in their right mind would want to do business there.

It seems suspiciously totalitarian that a Federal Government would continually punish one of its own Provences for having a particualr party  in power, one that doesn’t match what the Federal power of the time is.

Yet its all happening, Mr Flaherty continues to  spearhead the initiative to punish Ontario relentlessly until it is broken in and finally does what it is told. Namely, vote in a Conservative Provincial Government.

Do it or we will mess you the fuck up.

But would you like your gas at a fixed rate from Terasen or at a floating rate from an independent provider?

Somebody somewhere thought it would be a good idea to privatize everything, oddly they had lots of money with which to buy formerly public institutions which is probably why they thought it was so good. So they convinced other people, the methods by which are not for me to say, and suddenly the people of BC were blessed with the sacred right of choice in who they bought their natural gas from.
Whoopdee fuckin’ do.

To share with us the great news that we, as a people, had been bestowed by the wisdom of those on high with choice, an advertising campaign was launched. It had a lab coated man (and therefore must obviously know what he is talking about) going around a laboratory where the study of comfort is being undertaken with pies and kittens and slippers’n shit. (opening soon in a strip mall near you: Slippers’n Shit, for when you need slippers…..’n shit like that)

Bask in the infinite comfort of knowing you can choose between a fixed rate from Terasen or a floating rate from an independent provider. Hear the great sigh of relief echo across the land as the great oppressive past of not really having to think about gas at all slips away without a fuss.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Good times.

So the lab coat man (who is a complete dick by the way, taking buddies pie right as it comes out of the oven. Vancouver really needs to work on employee rights.) So anyway, the lab coat man takes us gently aside and explains we just need to call and we can have either the cute, friendly bunny slippers of Terasen, or the slightly more masculine and austere slippers that have something to do with floating rate independent gas providers for some reason.

Guess it wasn’t that simple for a lot of people who must have phoned in asking, well, which one saves me money? In reply the infinitely wise, pie stealing man in the lab coat comes back to us in a new commercial. He takes us aside again, a little more tersely this time, and tells us gently that he doesn’t fuckin’ know, it’s not his fucking problem, he has to run the Goddamn comfort lab for Christ sake, don’t be callin’ and asking how to save money, go do your own fucking market research you lazy bastards.

Her departs with a “Fuck off now children,” patting our heads before walking off in his nice new slippers to go eat that pie in his office all by himself.

What the fuck!?! I thought WE we’re supposed to be the ones get some slippers. Where the fuck are my slippers? I gave up some really nice socks to get them slippers. That was the deal, We the public open up the gas market, WE get slippers. I’m starting to think we got hoodwinked!

Mr. Lab coat man better wash that smug look off his face before WE decide to do it for him, and we will Mr. Privateer, we will.

The man who wheeled his way into City Hall looks well on his way to rolling right on out again. Seems like he knows it too, going by his increasingly desperate moves policy wise and a less then cool demeanor when faced with the press circuit. He still tries to seem like a domineering tyrant, but you ain’t selling it no more Mr. Sam. We hear the tremor in your voice as you try desperately to sound like you know what you’re talking about. Sorry Sammy Boy, we figured out that you don’t a long time ago, though it took some a while to see past your chair.

Ecodensity is failing as neighbourhoods get pissed off at being pushed out by development and buyers are learning exactly what 300 sq. ft. actually means. Yes people, it is small. At least Stalin gave his poor citizens a min. 800.

Having BC Premier Gordon Campbell take the awful idea of turning ICBC into Sam’s Collection Agency and shoving it right back in your face. I think old Gordo even relished telling the reporters that you could go fuck yourself. It was a wee smirk, but it was there.

Talking about making all the street pay parking meters cell phone only to save a couple million on the salaries of the coin collectors!?! Whose ass do you have your head up because that is just stupid. We don’t all have cell phones Sammy Boy, nor do those who have them necessarily want to be that dependant on them. The fact that Sammy Boy is tinkering with such small time savings makes me think the City might be on the way to a financial crisis. Guess we’ll all find out soon enough.

Then today’s move of checking more things off on the police wish list. Seems like someone is looking for friends. Are you feeling lonely Sammy Boy? Are you sad? Are the other kids going to kick you out of the tree fort for being such an Ass? Your very own Party wants your head Sammy Boy, and when they get it they will parade it around for everyone to see.

Awww, you are sad Sammy Boy, I see that single tear sliding down your check, the slight trembling of your lip as you speak your latest scheme for the cameras. Did you have dreams Sammy Boy? Did you dream about being Premier? Maybe a Senator like Larry? Did you see yourself as Prime Minister one day? Sorry buddy, it takes more then a wheel chair and a big ego to actually run a City, a Provence, a Nation.

So dream Sammy Boy, dream your little heart away.

Dreams are all you have left friend, to the benefit of us all.

P.S. (Stephen Harper has shown that all you really need to get National office is a cold, scheming reptilian brain, although it certainly has proven worthless for actually running Canada.)

So who does the next PM have to be to help Brenda Martin? Chretien? Mulroney? Campbell? Turner? Clark? It sure does seem like our PM of Oil is more interested in obfuscation and libel suits than he is in the well being of a Canadian being held in violation of treaties we have with Mexico.

Stop showing your contempt for average Canadians Harper. We vote and we can kick you out as easily as we let you in. Show that you have some balls and take a stand. Get on that phone, call the President of Mexico and stop being a goddamned coward