What?  CBC is going to air Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune?  How lame is that.

Now I’ve enjoyed both shows on occasion but is CBC really that idea deprived that their just going to buy American game shows now?  I mean, sure they have Canadian hosts (if you still count as Canadian after 30 years or so in America) and they are the aristocracy of game show hosts (though Bob Barker still is king!) but it just sticks in my throat for some reason.

The sun is out in Vancouver and with the Sun comes the people exposing as much flesh as they dare to soak in that much needed Vitamin D. It was a long winter, it always is, but this winter something changed here in the depths of Mount Pleasant.  Lots of new people moved in this winter, which in itself is not unusual, but its who has moved in.  Not the usual immigrants, criminals, weirdos, hippies, sketchy musicians, paranoid schizophrenics, starving artists, poor families, single mothers and the usual wonderful riff raff that used to be here. No, they are being displaced. Instead we now have hipsters.

Wow, the Hipster Wankers have screwed up again. The new uniforms for our athletes going to Beijing are an embarrassing mess that reek of the Wanker Elite and their atrocious tastes. The worst of all the outfits is the track suits covered in the eye tangling montage of red and white shit that I can’t make out other then the occasional piece of maple leaf. The shorts and singlet isn’t so bad though, has a bit of a sixties cut. They won’t be waring that in the opening ceremonies though. Imagine, all our athletes marching out in a crowd waring those track suits. I wouldn’t recommend viewing by epileptics.

Oh no, Vancouver isn’t ranked #1 place to live in the world anymore. Those with their smug little illusions of paradise on earth all seem to squirm when they hear that Vancouver has just been ranked #10 in Canada (not the world) by MoneySense Magazine. The rich newsmen and the downtown seawall joggers all dismiss the ranking, looking to the scenery with glazed over eyes extolling that how could anyplace with this view not be heaven? They dismiss with a shrug the MoneySense Criteria such as Jobs, housing costs, access to doctors, cost of living and other such trivial concerns.

source | cbc.ca Homelessness on the rise in Metro Vancouver, says report

Now maybe it’s because I live on the lip of the downtown Eastside or maybe its because Im one of the poor masses with unbleached teeth but this doesnt surprise me at all. Vancouver has been in denial about this for awhile. A couple of years back I worked downtown and was a good observer of Vancouverite’s behaviour towards the poor and destitute. Now I like to be left alone when Im out and about and on my way to something but if anyone talks to me I try to talk to them like a person. This seems to be the exception rather than the rule though. I’ll be honest we need to lose our tude before the Olympics or we’ll reveal our little yogawear covered secret: Vancouverites have a tendency to be myopic self important assholes who rarely rise above holistic mediocrity except when it comes to the moral pulpit. Food for thought next time you look down on someone for not being up to snuff. Oh yeah and if you keep pushing it will take your plasma TV and BluRay DVD player.

Okay folks this one was hard. I dont think Ive come across a skin tone so complex in such a long time. Still, Im disappointed as I thought he was going to be far scarier than Flaherty. For those of you that ask why no Stephane Dion? Well…his eyebrows are about as impressive as his leadership.

…Attempts at Hip, Hot and Happenin’

Seems like CBC television is in need of a serious shake up. This, of course, has been true for a long time but this old public stalwart surely must now admit it as a whole slew of its new productions are cancelled in the first season. The heavily pushed Jpod and MVP among them for the simple reason that they sucked ass.

Local Vancouver scenesters immediately started whining about Jpod’s cancellation, extolling its perfection, their mindless loyalty to local industry blinding them to all notions of quality. CBC, in its consistently ill fated attempts to reach a youth market, gave these hacks their shot at the big time and predictably they produced slick, glossy piles of shit.

One annoying thing about looking for a job in Vancouver is something called the stress interview. A fad of the 80’s, it seems that some Vancouver businesses can’t get enough of this interview. Here’s the deal: if the interview starts out real well, almost too well - just wait and the switch will happen. Ive had interviews where all the windows in the room were open allowing the street traffic to drown out questions, having the interviewer read other resumes or not listen to the questions, argue that your answers arent complete even though they are. I know that this has been claimed as a good way to find out how a candidate behaves under pressure but to be honest its a shite way to make a first impression.

What’s with y0u hipster dudes? You’re style’s can be summed up as sleazy retro cornball. You guys who dressed up in your ruffled suits with grease-ball hair (and often mustache) walking around like your some genius of fashion, a complete original dressed just like all your other friends. Get a clue.

Dear Global Morning News

Global news is an embarrassing display of Vancouver shitiness. Moronic banter, unlikable personalities and general idiocy being what my poor flu soaked brain was subjected too. Worst of all being the lame duck style matron who had absolutely trite and useless Valentines day advice that scored at about a twelve year old’s level of comprehension. Her frumpy shirt and godawful ugly feather hair thing was an ill composed outfit that made me want to puke on sight. After her bitchy undertone drilled her asinine comments into my brain, she was then mocked by the anchor causing her barely contained bitterness at being a lonely bitch start to come to the surface. Thanks for making my morning news worse then the flu virus currently ravaging my body.

Hipsters and wankers and ponces and a disturbing number of the general population have taken to the newest and yet lamest form of conversation. Yes, even more shallow so then the much maligned, yet ever useful topic of weather.

This new form of communication has send us back to the verbal equivalent of the tickertape. It is list based, it is brief, and it is incapable of depth. This is codification of cool, canonized by the yuppie demagogue’s of the city’s “creative” professionals and imposed upon a desperate and clamoring throng of those daring to seek social and economic mobility . It is competitive, stagnant and stupid.